he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
