I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
