There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
