You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
