So drunk its hurt
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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