Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
