So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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