That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
