My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
BRING THE BAGELS
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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