i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
