That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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