i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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