I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
