Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
