Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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