best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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