well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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