I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There r osticjed everywhere
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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