i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
