Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
