Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
