I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So much rum. So many feels.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
