Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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