Are we in a gay sports bar?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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