It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
