and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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