nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
