I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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