I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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