last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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