i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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