Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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