My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
