So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
