i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
