Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
