I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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