I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
