I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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