i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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