I wish I could teleport
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
