there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
