So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
