she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
