i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
