I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
