ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
