SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
