you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
