Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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