i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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