just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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